Kitties!

Natalie Portman has a very different role in Hollywood than anyone else. She gets to be simultaneously attractive and smart, and those two ideas about her are so accepted that they meld together into a sort of automatic respect. Funnily enough, she's so respected that everyone assumes she's a great actress. It seems to me she's a great everything else and a pretty crap actress. Whatever, I'm obviously a big jealous uggo. The point is, smart girls with gravitas are the only one who get to be silly without being served a side order of disdain. I mean I'm glad we can reclaim silly/girly, but I wish it were available to all manner of folk.


All this by way of saying, you're going to like this video.

See more Natalie Portman videos at Funny or Die

Rashida Jones seems like a pretty hype chick.

Wave of the Future!

This is without a doubt the most happy making thing I have seen this month. I don't know how you get school kids of this age to perform with this much unself-conscious gusto. I don't know how these kids are so god damned cute. I don't know how we came to this place where people are seemingly brimming with zingy-fun-times over a presidential election. But I like it. A LOT.

You can vote however you like


I wish I had something a little deeper to say. But this just makes me glad.

Beyonce vs. Feist: Dance Off!

Feist seems like a lovely lady and is very talented. She'd make a great kindergarten teacher or chair of an important committee for preservation of the arts. Her voice is a whimsical pigeon, her hair a cascade of silk. I'm saying all this so the indie kids don't cut me for the following: chica cannot dance. Which is fine, she doesn't have to, her videos don't need it. But nobody has the guts to tell her that.

Feist - 1234


To my mind that dancing is at best "jolie laide" as the french say.

Oh no! You reply. You don't get it! She may not be the most precise or technical dancer, but she conveys a spirit, you know? It's free and joyful and more than a little bit retro! It's fun, it's dancing in front of the mirror and not caring if anyone's looking! Whee! Uninhibited joyful rhythmic expression! No. NO. I know what all that "wheeeeee!!" looks like, and "wheeeee!!"? Looks like THIS:

Beyonce - Single Ladies


God Bless B. That other single is so bad I don't even want to talk about it. Except to say that it sounds like something Kelly Clarkson would reject. And that has already been written by Joan Osborne before Joan Osborne got funky. So yeah, we're not talking about that other single. And sure, this one does sound like Get Me Bodied, but I LIKED Get Me Bodied. A lot.

To conclude this video is like the most bad ass and inappropriate high school lip-synch ever.

And now, an oldie but goodie. Happy Wednesday.


But you know what Feist? Do you.

Begging from Norway

Just a quick post. This video has a lot that's great. Thrusting, blaxploitation and a dash of reality (who hasn't fallen asleep playing Xbox 360?). It's all about balance, kids.

Oh and the damn near perfect song. This guys are from Norway (whaaaat?!). Yeah.

Madcon - Begging


And yeah, this song is almost a year old, I'm so far behind the curve I've been lapped. One of the many bad things about not living in Scandinavia.

The Sound of Summer is Divine

Just the sweetest summer song. And the video! Don't get me started. It's so cute and simple and well made I just want to eat my arm.

Divine Brown - Lay It On The Line


I'm in love with the cast of this video. And heck, the crew, too. That male lead - you've got to adore a man that looks like he's saying 'Oh my goodness!' with every move. The dancer at the end are life. If this doesn't make you smile, you're awful. Her album's out tomorrow.

This on the heels of Miss Jully Black jumping on that throwback good good. Canada is just killing it.

Jully Black - Seven Day Fool

I Just Want to Squeeze on You, Girl

Some guys can pull off topless as a look. It’s easier in print, but it can even work and not look awkward on film. Fiddy never looks half naked no matter how few shirts he’s wearing. And I don’t think it’s a question of how built a person is, or their swagger. All I know is that Plies looks like an idiot in this video.

Plies - Please Excuse My Hands Ft. Jamie Foxx & The Dream

Notice, kiddies, how he’s at a pretty swank club. Understand that his friends and peers are wearing things like blazers, and under those blazers, shirts. Recognize that for the non-narrative part of the video, where Plies raps to the camera, HE IS WEARING A SHIRT. He has the technology.

Also, who goes to the club at 10:32?

ALSO, Jamie Foxx is really pushing, isn’t he? Poor guy, he couldn't muster enough personal charm to likeably play himself in his own show. He can sing, he can play, and yes, he's a funny funny man, but he can’t make me understand why I should like him, and not just respect his talent. That said, Slow Jamz is the jam, though. The slow one.

Furthermore, Plies talks so. Slowly. No really, he raps much slower than average conversation. You didn’t notice because his toplessness is so loud, right?

Yeah, the chicks in the video are distracted by the toplessness too, and they aren’t into it AT ALL. That chick at the begining couldn’t be less into our hero Plies (Because he’s Plies, or because he’s shirtless?) and the chick at 1:48 looks downright frightened (Because he’s Plies or because he’s shirtless?).

OH WAIT I GET IT! Because videos aren’t allowed to be TOO raunchy, the director couldn’t show Plies actually molesting anyone, but damnit! That’s just obviously what the song calls out for! So instead the video hoes are affronted by Plies HIMSELF. His state of demi-nude is a metaphor for his exploratory and daring sexuality. Deal with THIS, puritans and/or chicks I’m feeling up! See, the chick at 1:49 gets it. She nods as if to say “I understand and will comply.” Because he’s Plies. And he’s shirtless.

Crotches: So Last Year?

So there are some fads that end all of a sudden. Remember Ja Rule? People used to love that guy. A LOT. Then one day 50 Cent starts talking 'bout how Ja Rule's crap and whip snap back lash hits poor Ja hard. He's over and hasn't been back since. But then there are little trends that go real gentle into that good night, so softly that you don't notice they're over until a while later.

Watching 106 and Park's throwback track today, it hit me. The golden age of the crotch is over.

Ciara's Promise video, starting at 2:22 is a big ol' crotchfest for a good forty seconds. And weirdly, that's the part of the video that looks dated.

Ciara - Promise



And remember when Ri Ri was all crotch, all the time? I do. It's not that these moves are weren't around before, but they're were made more obvious by season after season of skinny jeans and leggings as a major part of the silhouette of du jour. And, let's not ignore the more than a little porny overtones. I believe in art theory, they call that 'leading lines'. While the crotch squat isn't at all a new look, seeing these Ciara work it and still look like a strong person with, you know, some personality and junk as opposed a big ol' blow up doll was...neat. Maybe? Maybe.

Little Miss Sunshine has been all long, upright lines in her live show lately, and that works beautifully with her revamped semi-rock chick swagger. And check the Girls Around the World video - there you have what sexbots look like right this minute, and there are hardly any thrusting nethers at all. Well, unless you count the big pink space-vulva constellation. But that's really just a whole other story, and has more to do with "What Would Freud Say About Hype Williams" than I'd like to go into right now. (Seriously, though. A giant pulsing rosebud*, Hype? Really?)

But the point is, this little trendlet seems to be gone baby gone. And that might not be a bad thing - because while a little thrusting on the dance floor is the friend of everyone, leading with the crotch too much? In practice it can end up looking like this:





*This song was more or less the shit, though.